Too Much to Ask

This is going to be a little weird. Also, maybe anti-blogging-etiquette, but I'm doing it anyway.
There are SO MANY passionate writings about mommy wars, and breastfeeding/bottlefeeding choices (if you run in the right circles). But, I LOVE this one so much, I'm going to copy and post it here. In my very own, not very eloquent, not very revolutionary blog.

It is by Melissa Beck (nee Howard), who first became a public figure when she graced our televisions on The Real World - New Orleans waaay back in 2000. Since then, she became an active blogger, and now maintains a tumblr page about really, anything that inspires her I guess. She now has two children, so some of her topics have naturally evolved towards motherhood, babies, etc. I came across this article today, and it seemed an appropriate complement to the dramatic commentary that has come about in response the the recent Similac formula commercial. I actually liked the commercial. It made me laugh. It made me cry. I was stirred. I was refocused on what is important to me, and how I can alter my words and actions to reflect what is important to me.

Anyway, Melissa Beck has made a living out of expressing her opinion, and she does it incredibly well with eloquence and humor. One of the characteristics I respect most in people is the ability to arrange their words to be both thought provoking and kind.

For some reason, I can't just post a direct link to the blog post, so that is why I am just going to copy it here, with all of the link backs and credit statements to make it clear that this is NOT MY CONTENT, but they are words that I thought deserved to be spread and pondered.

Here ya go...


Blog by Melissa Beck
Date: August 7, 2014
Title: Yes, It's Too Much To Ask.

Jessica Valenti, a person I should probably Google first to decipher if she's trolling me for click bait with this shit, wonders, "Is it too much to ask that mothers who bottle-feed - by necessity or choice - are given the same kind of adoration as gorgeous, breast-feeding celebrities? We love our kids too, you know."

She continues her hissy fit with, "I mean, Gwen Stefani posted a picture on Instagram of herself breastfeeding in gorgeous Switzerland,; then came the photograph of Olivia Wilde in Glamour magazine breastfeeding in full-on evening wear. " 

How dare they be fabulous while breastfeeding! The nerve!

Well, pick me. Pick me. I have the answer to your question. 

Yes, it's too much too ask lady. Especially when in the next breath you say, "the harassment mothers still face when they breastfeed in public is outrageous." Asking that is akin to whining, "Why do black people have Black History Month? That's not really fair to white people now is it?"

I really wasn't aware of a full-on campaign to exclude bottle-feeding mothers from a constant barrage of celebration. I mean, one of the universal symbols for BABY is a fucking bottle. Let's browse through all the millions of photos, countless cover stories, of celebrities bottle-feeding their children, shall we?

So basically, when you see a breastfeeding mother being celebrated on that rare (#veryrare) occasion, it makes you have feelings about your choice and so the solution, you're asking the world for, is for us to please, please stop celebrating them altogether. Even though you're fully aware of the countless examples of women being told to cover up or leave an establishment because they dared to feed their children with their tits. Nine hundred thousand results in half a second on Google, if you're wondering how normal it is for a breastfeeding woman to encounter some asshole. You acknowledge this is a problem but please no more photos of breastfeeding mothers because rude!

When you say, "as long as they are making the choices that are right for them and their children, I'm all for it." Are you though? You can't have it both ways. You can't complain that breastfeeding mothers are given one glossy page of coverage and then put your lips together and say you're all for anything as long as we don't judge. You're not "all for" anything. You're all for only seeing images that reinforce your choices because somehow, some way, the mere sight of a mother making a choice different than yours without having said boo to you or about you, makes you uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to regale us with several paragraphs of all the reasons why couldn't or didn't breastfeed. "The baby was 2 pounds." "The stress!" "The failed milk production." "That darn pump." Nobody asked that shit. Nobody cares that you bottle-fed. And really, a stranger on the street approached you and said "YOU TERRIBLE BOTTLE-FEEDER YOU." 

Okay Jessica. Sure thing.

Now, if there were condescending, judgmental words actually attached to these breastfeeding photos, you might have a peg of a leg to stand on. Hector Barbossa. But you're mad at a celebrity photo. You're mad at the message the photo might send. Ignoring the 75% chance that the photo may also, quite possibly, stupid likely, generate disgust. You're mad at the message you received from the photo and thus the photo can be no more. That's not cool.

In fact, I had a feeling like the one you're having. When Josie Maran gave birth under a lavender tree as a wolf howled at the night sky, I felt like an absolute piece of shit for wanting drugs before I pushed my baby out of my vagina as the "impatient doctors" poked and prodded me with all those "beeping monitors" But see, Josie actually said out loud that my choice was trash. She said the "intensity" of natural childbirth "prepares you to be a great mom," as if to say delivery with medical intervention is a shortcut and therefore you have already failed as a mother. I would have been cool with all the photos of her gallivanting through wildflowers in flowy white gown. She's pretty. I liked her Argan Oil. I was cool with her. I can dig that. But she said out loud that I, along with every other dreaded hospital birther, was the worst. That was the problem. 

The way Josie told he story made me pause and rethink how I talk about breastfeeding. I assure you, I never set out to make folks feel bad about their choices. But breastfeeding support is important. So yes, we need the pictures to go with the words of encouragement. Sorry about it, boo.

I don't recall Gwen (you can Google a photo of her also bottle feeding) or Olivia telling you you were a piece of shit though. A photo of a breastfeeding mother shouldn't send you into a tailspin of woe. Stop judging yourself maybe? Maybe start there before you put the kibosh on photos I'd like to see, that the world needs to see, so that one day I don't have to shoot daggers across the room at people who are actually judging me for feeding my child with my breasts. 

How about that?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Amen Melissa!!
~Amanda Hynes, CD(DONA), LCCE

Just Because it Burns...

"Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame.

Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned.

Just because it burns, doesn't mean you're donna die.

You gotta get up and try."

Pink, "Try"

Those lyrics always make me think of birth.

Pink had planned to have a natural birth with the midwives of The Sanctuary in LA, 

but her baby girl was a frank breech and no amount of convincing could get her to flip.

Willow Sage was born on June 2, 2011.

GO GISELE!

"Despite what you may have read, Gisele Bundchen did not give birth at Brigham and Women's Hospital -- or Mass. General, Beth Israel, or Boston Medical Center, for that matter. The supermodel spouse of Pats QB Tom Brady had her baby at the couple's Beacon Street townhouse. But that's not all. In an interview with a popular Brazilian TV show, Bundchen has confirmed something we'd heard: She delivered little Benjamin in the bathtub. (The interview with "Fantastico," the Brazilian equivalent of "60 Minutes," airs this weekend.) Home births are hardly the norm in Brazil, which has one of the highest rates of caesarean sections in the world. So what's with Bundchen? We're told Gi was profoundly influenced by director Abby Epstein's 2008 documentary, "The Business of Being Born," which makes a compelling argument for natural childbirth. The movie, executive produced by Ricki Lake, looks at the history of obstetrics, midwives, and how modern medical practices may do pregnant moms more harm than good. One of the people quoted in the film is Ana Paula Markel, a friend of Bundchen's who works as a doula, or childbirth assistant, in LA. "It's so great to hear that (Gisele) had a positive homebirth experience," Lake told us yesterday. "Not only because it was at home and in water, but because it says a lot to girls who follow her." They might also be interested in what else we heard -- that Gisele may have used self-hypnosis relaxation and breathing techniques to aid her delivery. Whatever she did, it worked. Word is, the supermodel was in labor for only about eight hours before the bundle of joy arrived. Other celebs who've had their babies at home include actress Alyson Hannigan, model Cindy Crawford, singer Erykah Badu, actress Maria Bello, and Bundchen's BFF Michelle Alves, a Brazilian model and the wife of Madonna's manager Guy Oseary."

http://www.boston.com/ae/celebrity/more_names/blog/2010/01/the_story_of_gisele_bundchens.html

Gisele!

A one liner news story... Gisele says, "I gave birth in a bathtub" in their Boston penthouse.

 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/28/gisele-i-gave-birth-in-th_n_440595.html

Ani D revisited

Ani DiFranco Interview with Mindful Mama Magazine from Mindful Mama Magazine on Vimeo.

Yay Duggars!

After the births of 17 of his siblings by his parents, Michelle and JimBob Duggar, first born Josh Duggar and his new bride Anna decided on a homebirth for their first baby.  YAY!!! 

Mackynzie Renee Duggar was born October 8, 2009 at home.

Anna walked around during early labor to help the baby descend, and used the shower for massage.  From what the viewers saw, it was a peaceful delivery.  I was SO happy to see a gentle birth story instead of the typical screaming, knife wielding, drug pushing, masked situation you usually see on TV births.

HOWEVER, I must point out an inaccuracy that upset me.  The Duggars said that they invited their childbirth instructor to attend as their doula at their birth.  A doula is not qualified to deliver a baby and provides no medical care.  A doula is trained to offer emotional, physical, and psychological support throughout labor and birth.

A Licensed Midwife (LM), or a Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM) provides prenatal care, delivery of the baby and postpartum care.  The midwife is responsible for the safety of the mother and baby.  They determine if the labor and birth is progressing well, or if there is a need for hospital transfer (in the case of a birth center or homebirth).

I'm hoping that this woman was trained as a midwife, but the narration just didn't mention it.  Homebirth is safe only when a skilled and experienced primary care provider is in attendence.

Deepak

Mmm....Deepak AND Pregnancy...the mind reels!

I think this is my first Deepak Chopra book. Or maybe not. He feels so familiar, I'm SURE I've read him before. Following is a snippet from his book (Copyright 2005), Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives.

"Whether you see the world as personal or impersonal, from a spiritual or a scientific perspective, you have to marvel at the animating vital force that orchestrates the creation of all living beings."

My note in the margin...
"So be sure to keep OUT of the WAY."

(slightly less eloquant than big *D*).

More from Ina

Remember that this midwife and her team have facilitated over TWO THOUSAND births. In the midwifery model, that includes prenatal care that spends more than the average 10 minutes per visit granted by typical OBs in this country. So, they would know intimate details like the amount of sex a couple has during pregnancy.

"I have noticed that women who continue to make love during pregnancy are less likely to have perineal tears at the birth of the baby."

Hmm....interesting....worth a try, I'd say!!

Duggar

I saw Michelle Duggar use this to breastfeed her baby while standing on a float during a parade amongst her 17 other kids. I THINK that's a pretty good sign that this thing is pretty useful, even if the name is a little weird.

My Brest Friend
www.mybrestfriend.com

Mother-Friendly

This may sound like a *touchy-feely* term. Well, it is.
I think we all need to be more touchy-feely when it comes to birth and supporting a birthing mother. My new favorite author and activist this week is Penny Simkin. Through her website I found this, Ten Steps of Mother-Friendly Care, as compiled by the Coalition for Improvement of Maternity Services, www.motherfriendly.com

This is easy stuff people.

1. Offers all birthing mothers with unrestricted access to birth companions, labor support, and midwifery care.

2. Provides accurate, descriptive statistical information about birth care practices.

3. Provides culturally competent care.

4. Provides birthing mother with the freedom to walk, move, assume positions of her choice.

5. Has clearly defined policies, procedures for collaboration, consultation, links to community resources.

6. Does not routinely employ practices, procedures unsupported by scientific evidence.

7. Educated staff in non-drug methods of pain relief and does not promote use of analgesic, anesthetic drugs.

8. Encourages all mothers, families to touch, hold, breastfeed, care for their babies.

9. Discourages non-religious circumcision of the newborn.

10. Strives for the WHO/UNICEF Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative to promote successful breastfeeding.

Birth Stories from Ina May

"There is extraordinary psychological benefit in belonging to a group of women who have positive stories to tell about their birth experiences. This phenomenon is exactly what developed within our village. So many horror stories circulate about birth-especially in the United States-that it can be difficult for women to believe that labor and birth can be a beneficial experience. If you have been pregnant for a while, it's probable that you've already heard some scary birth stories from friends or relatives. This is especially true if you live in the United States, where telling pregnant women gory stories has been a national pastime for at least a century. Now that birth has become a favorite subject of television dramas and situation comedies, this trend has been even more pronounced. No one has explained the situation more succinctly than Stephen King in his novella "The Breathing Method." Commenting on the fear many women have of birth, his fictional character observes, "Believe me: if you are told that some experience is going to hurt, it will hurt. Most pain is in the mind, and when a woman absorbs the idea that the act of giving birth is excruciatingly painful-when she gets this information from her mother, her sisters, her married friends, and her physician-that woman has been mentally prepared to feel great agony." King, you may not know, is the father of several children born at home.
The best way I know to counter the effects of frightening stories is to hear or read empowering ones. I mean stories that change you because you read or heard them, because the teller of the story taught you something you didn't know before or helped you look at things from a different angle than you ever had before."

All Hail Ina May

I have heard about this amazing woman and The Farm that she and her husband founded in Tennesee, but I didn't realize how eloquent she was in describing her simple, yet revolutionary point of view of childbirth.

She-Freakin-Rocks.
www.inamay.com


I finally picked up her "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" and by the first page, I was hooked. She speaks a simple truth and her statistics back her up completely.

The Farm was founded in 1971. From 1971 to 2000, of 2,028 births....

Births Completed - 95.1%
Non-Emergency Transports - 3.6%
Emergency Transports - 1.3%

Vaginal Birth - 98.6%
Cesarean Sections - 1.4%
(US National Average = 24.4%)

Cases with no Preeclampsia - 99.61%
Cases of Preeclampsia - 0.39%

Cases with no hemorrhage - 98.2%
Cases of Postpartum hemorrhage - 1.8%

What the HECK are these women DOING RIGHT??

Why the HECK aren't more people (ahem..DOCTORS) listening to her?

SIMPLE SIMPLE SIMPLE.

"Standards of prenatal care at the Farm are modeled to the recommendations of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Deliveries are conducted without analgesia, however, and great emphasis is placed on meeting the emotional needs of the family. Several family members and friends are commonly in attendance and are encouraged to take an active role in the birth.

In addition, the laboring woman is encouraged to stay off her back and remain physically mobile through labor and delivery. In the absence of signs of fetal distress, women are permitted to labor beyond 24 hours, occasionally for 2 to 3 days. They are also encouraged to eat and drink during labor in the belief that this allays maternal exhaustion and the need for operative delivery."

Stay off her back? Eat and Drink? SHOCKING!

And now, for my first Ina May quote (there will be many more to follow)...

"It's not easy to say wheterh the woman in my village have less fear of birth because we know that our capabilities go beyond medical understanding or that our capabilities are greater without anxiety."

I just want to hug this woman and bring her fourteen ice cream sundaes.

(sigh). :)

Your Best Birth

I'm in love with this book already.
Go buy it and support safe birthing options and
and EVIDENCE-BASED model for maternity care.Know Your Options

Discover the Natural Choices
TAKE BACK the Birth Experience

Isla Fisher

Isla is the cute crazy red-head from Wedding Crashers, who is also married to Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) in real life....(learn something new every day, right?)

Isla Fisher on

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin

(from O Magazine)

"Women are happy to tell you their terrifying birth stories, but nobody tells you the positive ones. So if you're going to have a baby, you have to read this - its a collection of stories of women's birth experiences plus loads of practical information. In today's world of modern medicine, it's so easy to have the experience of pregnancy and birth taken out of your hands: You're measured and blood-tested and ultrasounded. Sometimes it feels as if the whole experience is happening to you. But women have the right to have the birthing experience we desire - whether it's a Cesarean or a natural birth - and to have the fear of pain removed. A friend, Naomi Watts, gave me this book when I was pregnant. It was such a special time for me, and it was such a relief to read these stories."

So, I don't necessarily agree that Cesareans should be provided upon request, and I think that women need to do their own mental cleansing and exorcising in order to "remove the fear of pain"....but otherwise...I'm so happy she found peace in Ina May's book and is sharing it with O Magazine readers.

Ani D on Birth

"The memory of pain recedes.
The memory of triumph does not."

The Business of Being Born

The Business of Being Born
Its a documentary.

No, its not gross. Its AWESOME.
Rent it right now from Netflix .
It's only 87 minutes of your life, but worth it.

Remember, birth is NOT A SICKNESS!

With a consistent rise in C-sections and a ridiculously high rate of infant mortality in the United States compared to other developed countries (behind Canada, England, New Zealand, Portugal, CUBA!), we have to ask ourselves...why is this happening and how can we change it?

I think this is a start: