This is going to be a little weird. Also, maybe anti-blogging-etiquette, but I'm doing it anyway.
There are SO MANY passionate writings about mommy wars, and breastfeeding/bottlefeeding choices (if you run in the right circles). But, I LOVE this one so much, I'm going to copy and post it here. In my very own, not very eloquent, not very revolutionary blog.
It is by
Melissa Beck (nee Howard), who first became a public figure when she graced our televisions on The Real World - New Orleans waaay back in 2000. Since then, she became an active blogger, and now maintains a tumblr page about really, anything that inspires her I guess. She now has two children, so some of her topics have naturally evolved towards motherhood, babies, etc. I came across this article today, and it seemed an appropriate complement to the dramatic commentary that has come about in response the the recent
Similac formula commercial. I actually liked the commercial. It made me laugh. It made me cry. I was stirred. I was refocused on what is important to me, and how I can alter my words and actions to reflect what is important to me.
Anyway, Melissa Beck has made a living out of expressing her opinion, and she does it incredibly well with eloquence and humor. One of the characteristics I respect most in people is the ability to arrange their words to be both thought provoking and kind.
For some reason, I can't just post a direct link to the blog post, so that is why I am just going to copy it here, with all of the link backs and credit statements to make it clear that this is NOT MY CONTENT, but they are words that I thought deserved to be spread and pondered.
Here ya go...
Blog by Melissa Beck
Date: August 7, 2014
Title: Yes, It's Too Much To Ask.
Jessica Valenti, a person I should probably Google first to decipher if she's trolling me for click bait with this shit, wonders, "Is it too much to ask that mothers who bottle-feed - by necessity or choice - are given the same kind of adoration as gorgeous, breast-feeding celebrities? We love our kids too, you know."
She continues her hissy fit with, "I mean, Gwen Stefani posted a picture on Instagram of herself breastfeeding in gorgeous Switzerland,; then came the photograph of Olivia Wilde in Glamour magazine breastfeeding in full-on evening wear. "
How dare they be fabulous while breastfeeding! The nerve!
Well, pick me. Pick me. I have the answer to your question.
Yes, it's too much too ask lady. Especially when in the next breath you say, "the harassment mothers still face when they breastfeed in public is outrageous." Asking that is akin to whining, "Why do black people have Black History Month? That's not really fair to white people now is it?"
I really wasn't aware of a full-on campaign to exclude bottle-feeding mothers from a constant barrage of celebration. I mean, one of the universal symbols for BABY is a fucking bottle. Let's browse through all the millions of photos, countless cover stories, of celebrities bottle-feeding their children, shall we?
So basically, when you see a breastfeeding mother being celebrated on that rare (#veryrare) occasion, it makes you have feelings about your choice and so the solution, you're asking the world for, is for us to please, please stop celebrating them altogether. Even though you're fully aware of the countless examples of women being told to cover up or leave an establishment because they dared to feed their children with their tits. Nine hundred thousand results in half a second on Google, if you're wondering how normal it is for a breastfeeding woman to encounter some asshole. You acknowledge this is a problem but please no more photos of breastfeeding mothers because rude!
When you say, "as long as they are making the choices that are right for them and their children, I'm all for it." Are you though? You can't have it both ways. You can't complain that breastfeeding mothers are given one glossy page of coverage and then put your lips together and say you're all for anything as long as we don't judge. You're not "all for" anything. You're all for only seeing images that reinforce your choices because somehow, some way, the mere sight of a mother making a choice different than yours without having said boo to you or about you, makes you uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to regale us with several paragraphs of all the reasons why couldn't or didn't breastfeed. "The baby was 2 pounds." "The stress!" "The failed milk production." "That darn pump." Nobody asked that shit. Nobody cares that you bottle-fed. And really, a stranger on the street approached you and said "YOU TERRIBLE BOTTLE-FEEDER YOU."
Okay Jessica. Sure thing.
Now, if there were condescending, judgmental words actually attached to these breastfeeding photos, you might have a peg of a leg to stand on. Hector Barbossa. But you're mad at a celebrity photo. You're mad at the message the photo might send. Ignoring the 75% chance that the photo may also, quite possibly, stupid likely, generate disgust. You're mad at the message you received from the photo and thus the photo can be no more. That's not cool.
In fact, I had a feeling like the one you're having. When Josie Maran gave birth under a lavender tree as a wolf howled at the night sky, I felt like an absolute piece of shit for wanting drugs before I pushed my baby out of my vagina as the "impatient doctors" poked and prodded me with all those "beeping monitors" But see, Josie actually said out loud that my choice was trash. She said the "intensity" of natural childbirth "prepares you to be a great mom," as if to say delivery with medical intervention is a shortcut and therefore you have already failed as a mother. I would have been cool with all the photos of her gallivanting through wildflowers in flowy white gown. She's pretty. I liked her Argan Oil. I was cool with her. I can dig that. But she said out loud that I, along with every other dreaded hospital birther, was the worst. That was the problem.
The way Josie told he story made me pause and rethink how I talk about breastfeeding. I assure you, I never set out to make folks feel bad about their choices. But breastfeeding support is important. So yes, we need the pictures to go with the words of encouragement. Sorry about it, boo.
I don't recall Gwen (you can Google a photo of her also bottle feeding) or Olivia telling you you were a piece of shit though. A photo of a breastfeeding mother shouldn't send you into a tailspin of woe. Stop judging yourself maybe? Maybe start there before you put the kibosh on photos I'd like to see, that the world needs to see, so that one day I don't have to shoot daggers across the room at people who are actually judging me for feeding my child with my breasts.
How about that?
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Amen Melissa!!
~Amanda Hynes, CD(DONA), LCCE
